What Was It Like?
by StevexBuckyx
Summary: Bucky asks Steve a question Bucky/Steve Steve/Bucky Stucky
1. Chapter 1

It was a cold night. Bucky and Steve were curled up under the blankets. Steve's head resting in Bucky's chest.

They enjoyed the silence. Just them two together made them happy. They didn't need to talk or make love to feel content. The silence broke and Bucky hesitantly started to speak.

"S-Stevie, can I ask you something?" he stammered

"Anything."

"I know you don't like to talk about this, but what was it like when I fell from the train?"

Steve didn't answer. Bucky could feel Steve's heart rate go up. Talking about it was a trigger for Steve.

The blonde shot up and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Steve if you don't want to, you don't have to answer."

"Lonely," Steve replied. A tear rolled down his cheek, "the pain of losing you hurt me more then anything else. When I found out you were alive on that highway. I didn't know how to feel."

"Steve...I, come lay back down."

Steve ignored him and carried on talking, still with his back to him.

"You didn't remember me. Your eyes were blank, almost as it there was no one behind them. It hurt me, but made me happy."

"Stevie, I'm sorry for asking, just come lay back down," Bucky said with a slight shake in his voice.

The captain turned to face him. A tear gliding down either cheek raced down his face.

"I never want to lose you again, Buck. P-promise me you'll stay," Steve stammered, "promise me."

"I promise Stevie, I promise I won't leave again."

Steve slowly moved back towards Bucky. The brunette wrapped his arms around him.

"I'll stay forever Stevie, I love you."

The blondes eyes moved up to meet the soldiers. He let out a soft smile and kissed Bucky's soft lips.

A bang at the front door started the pair.

"I'll get it, you stay here," Bucky said as he got up.

"I'll come with you."

"No stay, your eyes are all red."

Bucky walked out of the bed room and to the front door. Steve heard people talking. The door shut and Bucky came walking back into the room.

"It was Tony, there's a mission. They want you."

"Why me?"

Bucky looked down, "its Hydra and they didn't want me going."

—

Should I add more chapters?


	2. Chapter 2

Steve cleaned himself up, put on his suit and walked to the front door, Bucky following close behind him.

"Stevie, be safe. You made me to promise to say, you have to as well," he whispered softly, his eyes starting to water.

"I will Buck, I'll make sure of it," he smiled. He leant forward and placed a gently kiss on Bucky's lips.

"Be careful."

—

Steve pulled up the the Avengers HQ, he parked the motorbike around back and entered.

"Tony, what is it?"

"We've heard that Hydra are going to be attacking a science expo tonight. We need to be there just in case," he answered.

—

"Steve, this thing is about to end and nothing has happened."

Steve's face suddenly dropped. He felt his heart start pounding.

"Bucky," he said, "they wanted me away so they could get to him, Tony I have to go."

He ran and hopped on the motorcycle. He sped through the city skipping red lights and weaving between cars. He couldn't let Bucky go through this again.

—

He made it to their small home on the edge of town. Steve came bursting through the door to see Bucky unconscious of the couch. His arms tied behind his back and ankles cuffed together.

A moment later a Hydra agent walked the unconscious soldier with a syringe. Steve stood quietly behind the door. A tear slowly blurred his sight. Not again, he promised Bucky he would stay.

The Hydra agent punched Bucky in the face, waking him up. He started putting whatever was in the syringe into a vein bulging from his neck. Another agent stood in the kitchen reciting words in some foreign language.

"No..." Bucky muttered, "please leave me alone."

Steve couldn't take this anymore, he couldn't just watch the love of his life he brainwashed. He burst through the door, he went for the agent reciting words first. Smacked him in the neck with his shield, knocking him out instantly.

"S-Steve," Bucky whispered weakly, smiling softly, "you came back."

Steve went for the agent infront of Bucky. Without a moments hesitation, the agent shot Steve in the shoulder, knocking him down to the ground. The agent picked up Bucky and threw him over his shoulder.

As Steve stood up the agent shot him again, but this time in the leg, immobilising him. The blond could only watch as Bucky was taken from him.

—

Did you guys enjoy? Should I add more?


	3. Chapter 3

Steve sat in the hospital bed quietly crying to himself. People probably thought it was because he was shot, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He watched the love of his life he taken again, it was his fault. Both time he's lost Bucky he felt as if though he's the reason why. If Steve didn't go on that damn mission he would still be with him. Probably curled up on the couch watching a cooking show or maybe even a sitcom.

"Mr Rogers, can I get you anything?" A nurse asked. She sounded sweet, but worried for him.

"No thanks, I'm good," he replied.

"Well you have a visitor."

"A visitor, who?" Steve was confused, who would come see him? Sam and Nat were on a mission in Russia so it couldn't be them.

Not a moment later Agent Pierce walked in.

"Fuck off Piece." Steve said bluntly. He always knew Pierce had something to do with Hydra.

"I'm not here to fight Rogers. I just came to tell you we've already wiped Barnes completely. He doesn't remember you. Don't even try getting him back, it's not worth it" Pierce said smugly. He smirked at Steve and walked out.

—

Thankyou to everyone supporting this story, it means so much :) 3


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky was scared. He sat in an empty room full of strangers. They kept hitting him, but he couldn't think why, he didn't know what he had done heck, he didn't remember how he got there.

"Where's Steve, what is this?" Bucky asked.

"Shut up Soldier. We need to prep you. Pierce's orders," one of the agents replied.

"Prep me for what? You gonna brainwash me again?"

"That's exactly what we're gonna do," the agent smirked, "say goodbye to your precious little Captain America. He won't be able to save you this time."

"желание (longing)," he started "ржавый (rusted)."

"Stop."

"семнадцать (seventeen), рассвет (daybreak)."

"Please stop, I'll do anything."

The agent looked up at Bucky.

"I have an idea, I don't have to continue if you do one little thing for me."

"Which is?"

"Pretend you don't know anything, but you'll have to fight your little boyfriend knowing who he is."

Bucky hesitated. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to lose his memory, but he didn't want to fight Steve. He loved him. He swore to never hurt him, but if he wanted a chance to see him again he had to do it.

"Fine. How long do I have before the fight."

—

Sorry for the short chapters, they'll get longer I promise :)


	5. Chapter 5

It had been three months since Steve had last seen Bucky. He'd been working with Sam, Nat and Fury trying to find a location they could attack, but so far nothing has come up.

Steve sat in his bedroom he had once shared with his lover. Empty beer bottles scattered around him, even though he knew he couldn't, he had been trying to get drunk. All the pain eating away at him slowly. All he could think about how he had acted when fighting those Hydra agents. Acted like he did before the serum, impulsive. He should of planned it for a few seconds, yet he let his emotions get in the way.

Next to Steve was a few of Bucky's things. He didn't have much since everything he had was lost after he had fell from the train, but Steve still cherished them. He missed Bucky. He had promised that he would stay, but he couldn't do anything. He had just been taken.

There was a knock at the door. Steve didn't answer. He sat in the bedroom quietly pretending he wasn't home.

"I know you're in there Steve! If you don't open this door I'm going to let myself in!" Nat yelled, "we think we got a hit!"

Steve quickly ran to the door. He opening it to find Sam and Fury standing there too.

"God Steve, you look like a mess," Sam spoke. They walked into the small house and sat in the living room.

Fury started, "we have had intel that they're sending Sergeant Barnes after you Rogers. Before we can go somewhere he can find you please clean yourself up."

"I will," he replied, "if you want anything from the kitchen just take it."

Steve walked out and into the bedroom. He took a deep breath and started getting changed. It was happening. He was going to have to fight the love of his life again. He was going to make him remember.

—

Thanks for being patient guys, I appreciate all of you showing support on this story :)


	6. Chapter 6

Steve walked into a seemingly empty room. The walls had scratches and the ceiling unstable. When he was about to leave something caught his eye. A tall figure with an arm glistening.

"B-Bucky?" Steve asked.

The figure turned to face him. Bucky's face stared back. His eyes filled with tears and his brown hair matted along his hairline.

"Who the hell is Bucky?" He asked, although his eyes weren't blank like last time. He was crying?

"Bucky please-" before Steve could finish his sentence, the soldier ran towards him and started punching.

"Buck, stop. I don't want to fight you."

Bucky pulled Steve into a choke hold and whispered.

"I'm sorry, I love you." He raised his metal arm and knocked out Steve instantly. He lowered him to the ground. He pulled his lover in close and whispered again.

"Please forgive me," Bucky hesitated and then stepped away, "HE'S IN HERE!"


	7. Chapter 7

Tears fell down Bucky's cheeks. He stood in the corner just staring at his lover. He wasn't allowed to move any closer to him.

Steve was strapped to the same machine they had used on Bucky all those years. It felt almost as if Bucky had been punched in the stomach. He was scared Steve would end up with the same fate as him.

The blonde awoke to see the soldier in the corner with tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," Bucky muttered, "I'm so sorry I did this to you."

"Do you know me?"

"Of course I know you," he cried.

"Then come untie me," Steve choked, "we can go home."

"They're always watching."

The big metal door swung open, several hydra agents came walked in, "that's enough soldier, you may leave."

"I love you Steve," Bucky said loudly.

Pierce sighed, "prep him again, and don't fail."

"Yes sir."

Three agents left the room, grabbing Bucky's shoulders and arms.

"Let go of him!" Steve yelled, "take me instead."

The agents ignored him and carried on walking. Pierce walked towards Steve and sighed.

"Now Rogers, what are we going to do with you."

"Let me go."

"Oh no, it's not that easy. As you can see, these agents are fixing up this machine," Pierce laughed, "in just a short hour, you won't remember your precious little boyfriend, he won't remember you either."

"Please, just leave him." Steve cried, "he doesn't deserve this."

The captain broke free from the ties keeping him bound. He stood up and socked Pierce, knocking him to the floor. He somehow fought his way through all the agents still in the room without a scratch.

While running down the long hallway he noticed the brunette being pulled into a room. The second Bucky saw Steve he elbowed the agents. His metal arm knocking them out.

"Stevie, run!" Bucky yelled. Steve grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the large building. Fury and Nat sat in a black car parked outside. Their getaway was almost perfect and I mean, almost.

—

Hope you guys like cliffhangers aha, sorry for the story line moving so fast x


	8. Chapter 8

As they were speeding away in the black car, a hydra vehicle smashed into the side of them. The car flew and skidded, but landed on it's side.

"Everybody out, it's gonna blow!" Fury yelled the second the car stopped moving.

Everyone climbed out except for Steve.

"Everyone alright?" Fury asked, "wait where's Steve?"

"He's out cold," Nat panicked, "pull him out Bucky!"

Bucky grabbed Steve by the back of his shirt and pulled him out of the car. Seconds later the car exploded into flames. Steve laid unconscious on the road. Thankfully there were no cars anywhere in sight, except for their own as the hydra one had sped off.

"Steve," Bucky shook him, he leant down to hear if he had a heartbeat. Bucky's face dropped.

"Barnes, what's wrong?" Fury asked.

"W-we need an ambulance."

"He's not…" Nat started, "please tell me…."

Bucky pulled up Steve's upper body and hugged him.

"Stevie, you promised," he muttered.

—

"All clear!" The nurse yelled as she shocked Steve's chest.

"Still no pulse," a doctor answered.

"Please, come back," Bucky whispered to himself while watching through the window. He, Nat and Fury only had cuts, bruises and fractures. How had Steve come off so bad?

The nurse shocked him again. No luck. The doctor sighed and spoke softly.

"Time of death, 3:04pm."

They covered his face with a sheet, turned off a few of the machines and walked out.

—

Sorry ** . **, no happy ending here. Btw, still another chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

Bucky sat in the house he had once shared with Steve. He lay curled up the bed trying to suppress the pain. He couldn't even believe how Steve had been through this about three times.

He layed trying to ignore that today was the day of the funeral. He couldn't bring himself to go. He knew he had to. Nat kept calling his phone. He watched as it rang. Tears slowly falling down his face.

There was a bang at the door.

"James Barnes!" Natasha yelled, "come open the door!"

He lay there in silence hoping she would just leave. Not a moment later he heard the front door fall to the floor.

"Barnes! It's the funeral today, get ready."

He turned to face her. His eyes bloodshot, his hair knotted and face red.

"I can't do it," he cried, "I can't do it, not without him. I can't say goodbye I can't."

Nat put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're one of the strongest men I know Barnes. Cmon, just for today. I promise I'll leave you alone tomorrow," she replied. She wasn't quite sure how to sound comforting, but it seemed to of worked.

Bucky let out a soft smile, but it quickly faded.

"Even when I had nothing I had Steve," he spoke.

"Hey he said the exact same thing when he found you on that highway."

"All those times Hydra hurt me, I yelled for him. I knew he wouldn't find me, but I still wanted a chance, ya know? I don't know how he's done this so many times."

"Steve was- is a strong man. He tried to hold up with front that he was ok, but in reality, without you he was a wreck. He never stopped talking about you. He never stopped caring. One day when you finally pass and meet him again, I bet he'll still care," Nat said softly, "anyway, get ready and freshen up."

Nat got up and left the room.

"I'll be in the living room!" She yelled.

—

"I would now like to invite James Barnes up to day a few words," the funeral director spoke.

"It's Bucky," he muttered under his breath.

He walked up to the stand and looked down at everyone who had come. He only recognised a few people. Stark, Sam, Fury.

"Steve," he started, "he was one of the best people I ever met. He cared for everyone. To be honest, this world didn't deserve him. I remember, back in Brooklyn, he would always walk slowly behind me. I would tell him to speed up and he would purposely walk slower. He was a little shit, but I love him. Now he's gone, I…."

He lost his train of thought.

"I'm sorry," he blurted. He stormed out of the reception. Sam followed him.

Sam was met with a mess when he found Bucky. He had somehow messed up his tie within about 40 seconds. He sat on a bench raining tears.

"How are you fine?" He asked Sam, "how are you not crying?"

"Trust me, I cried before," Sam sighed, "I know we haven't really gotten on that well, but you know he really cared for you. When I first met him he was like you said, a little shit, but we all cared for him."

"We never deserved him."

"Bucky, it's fine if you want to go home."

"Tell Nat I left."

"Oh no I'm not letting you drive."

—

"Thanks for driving me," Bucky choked, "you didn't have to."

"Really it's no big deal, just don't do anything stupid," Sam smiled and drove away.

Bucky walked into the house and immediately broke down. His Stevie was gone. Who would be there to help him when he's stuck re-living his past when he sleeps? Who's going to make him coffee when he's sad? Who's going to hold him the same way Steve did?

No one. No one can.

—

So that's it for this story! Thank you all for the support :) make sure to leave requests for stories. Thank you all 3


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